After Firestar's Death
by AngelOfPride
Summary: After the death of Firestar, those closest to him remember their fallen leader. Will include Cloudtail, Sandstorm, Greystripe, Squirrelflight, Leafpool, Dustpelt, Onestar
1. Cloudtail-Losing Your Memory

Cloudtail could hardly believe it had happened. Even a moon on from the Dark Forest's strike, the memories still clouded his mind, and the words he had wanted to say to Firestar echoed over and over, taunting him, dragging him into a world where he had spoken his gratitude more before pushing him back into reality. He missed his uncle. He practically longed for him.

Of course he still had Brightheart and his precious daughter Whitewing, but they didn't need him anymore. Brightheart could manage perfectly well now with only one eye, and Whitewing had a family of her own to care for. Cloudtail had no siblings to watch out for, even his adopted brother and sister were dead. His adoptive mother had been murdered back in the forest, the same place he had left his true mother-Princess, in a twoleg home, without even getting the chance to say goodbye. He didn't know his true siblings, nor his true father, but he didn't mind that. He'd always had Firestar to fill the role, and his patient, wise, gentle uncle had never disappointed.

But he too was gone now, and it was as though something snapped in Cloudtail's already broken heart. He couldn't hide behind smart remarks and confident jokes any longer. When he saw Firestar's body, he wanted to simply lay down and die beside him. He remembered when he was a kit. Whenever there was a storm Firestar told him, "It's just Starclan kits playing and being too noisy. Don't worry, their mothers will stop them in a little while."

Of course, Cloudtail now knew this was nonsense. He had done for a while, having eventually given up belief in Starclan, but as a kit it provided the comfort he needed. Now, he hoped that there was a Starclan. Well, he knew there was, he had seen them help fight the Dark Forest with his own eyes, but all the same...he didn't want Firestar there. He wanted him beside him again. He wanted to tell him that he missed him, that he was sorry for all his little 'issues' as an apprentice, and that he saw him as a father. But Firestar was gone, and Cloudtail didn't think he'd ever be the same again.


	2. Sandstorm-For The Man I Loved

Sandstorm shifted restlessly in her nest every night. Despite being cramped in the elders' den with Greystripe, Dustpelt and Purdy, she felt so alone. She missed the comfort of the leader's den, with Firestar's soft pelt pressed soothingly against her own. It had been just over a moon since the death of her mate, and the image of him remained engraved in her mind, for she feared to let it go. As time went by in their lives, she had been able to trace every one of his battle scars with closed eyes, and she could locate him even in the most crowded of areas. She had been reluctant to become an elder, she didn't want anything to change since Firestar. She wanted everything to remain the way he had last seen.

It was strange now, to believe that there had ever been a time when she had wanted to stay away from him. A time when she was seething with hatred against him. Yet now, she found herself dying for the longing of him. She had cried all of her grief and felt herself drowning in agony. She wanted the burning passion she felt when she was with him, for the feel of his pelt against hers. She wanted Firestar.

Looking at Squirrelflight, her beloved daughter, had become hard to do. Maybe it was her old age catching up, but Sandstorm always found the flaming ginger she-cat shifting into the form of her father. The same confident smile, the same blazing emerald eyes bold against a the pelt of fire.

Sandstorm had practically cut off communication with everybody. Everybody told her, "Let go." but she couldn't. She hated it! She hated how they acted as though he were already a cat of legend, not the large-as-life figure who had led them to battle and died for their cause. For their freedom.

She would remember him the way he used to be. A young, handsome warrior of Thunderclan, the eye of multiple she-cats. Yet it was she, the one who had publically resented him for moons, only to come crawling in petty love, that he chose. And Sandstorm knew, that if ever she could go back, she would tell her younger, arrogant, apprentice-self, that the cat she taunted and teased, was in fact the cat who'd give her everything, because Sandstorm regretted every moment that she had ever doubted Firestar. A mistake she would not make again, for she was certain, that in Starclan, he would be there to meet her with the same love in his eyes that had always been. But for now, she was alone...


	3. Squirrelflight- Just A Game

A small ginger kit sat with her head poking out of the nursery as the snow whirled around the camp. She breathed out a dramatic sigh as her mother Sandstorm's voice rang out from inside, "Squirrelkit! What are you doing out there? Come inside, it's too cold to play!"  
"I'm waiting for father!" Squirrelkit squeaked back, trying to pretend the cruel wind didn't bother her. A snowflake fell upon her nose, and she twitched before letting out a sneeze that shook her entire little body.

Just as Sandstorm grasped her tail to tug her inside, a muscular flame-coloured tom forced his way against the wind and snow through the camp entrance, followed by a grey tom.

"Father!" Squirrelkit squealed, bouncing forward, well, half being thrown forward by the force of the wind. She grunted as Firestar reached out and caught her with a paw, chuckling fondly as he picked her up by the scruff and carried her back into the nursery.

Sandstorm narrowed her eyes, Leafkit curled up in the warm beside her.

"Squirrelflight if you EVER think of running off like that again-"  
"She's fine Sandstorm. It's my fault, I should have tried to get back earlier." Firestar interrupted, placing down the little ginger kit.

Squirrelkit purred and curled up against his forepaw as he sat down beside her mother.

Squirrelkit rolled onto her back to look up at her father, "What were you doing?" she mewled.

"Hunting." Firestar told her. Squirrelkit noticed Sandstorm's eyes become hopeful, before he gave a tiny shake of his head and the pale ginger she-cat sighed in disappointment.

"It sounds like fun." Squirrelkit sighed, "The apprentices always go on about how much they love it!" When will it be my turn?" she whined, batting her tiny paws through the air.

Firestar smiled at her, his emerald eyes full of honest love, "One day little warrior, you'll be able to go out and hunt yourself."  
"But what if I'm no good at it?" Squirrelkit cried, sudden worry in her.

Firestar chuckled, bending down and licking her forehead, "Something tells me, that you're going to be one of the best hunters this clan has ever seen."

Squirrelflight sighed as the wind blew around her fiery pelt. The gentle fall of snow sprinkled around her, making everything a blur of white. She gazed over the shimmering lake that reflected the moon, a sparrow and a thrush at her paws.

"I tried Father." she murmured, "I've tried to do what you said and be the best hunter this clan has ever seen." she huffed at herself, "But I'm pathetic. How can I be a good hunter if I can't even catch my own father before he slips away? I know your scent as well as any thrush's. I know the pace of your steps, the sound of your voice as well as I know the scurry of a mouse or the chatter of a squirrel."

She settled down on her haunches and looked at the sky, "You always told me, 'we hunt for the benefit of the clan. Without hunting, the clan would fall apart'. So why were you the one thing I couldn't catch? The one thing I didn't notice slipping away? You didn't make a sound about it. Not a leaf rustled or a twig snapped. You didn't have the scent of fear. You were always confident in yourself, always knew your path and where it would take you."

She pushed back the lump in your throat, "Why didn't you give us a sign? We could have saved you! We could have pulled you back! I don't care if I have to go through all of Starclan! I'd have at least known I could...I could..." she growled and tore her claws through the cold, frost-covered earth, "I could have done something! Instead I just sat there and watched! What kind of daughter am I?!" she wailed.

She slowly collected herself, and took a long breath before looking to the moon with determined eyes, "I'm going to keep trying Father!" she declared, "I will! I promise you, that someday, no matter what, I will be the best hunter I can be! And I won't let anybody else slip away from my grasp knowing I could have done something to stop them! I promise!"


End file.
